Today, on the other hand, sucked. I am not meant to work at home. I've been home for fifteen hours and I am done. I got up this morning and made a batch of chili before I started work, but then I had to resist the urge to clean my kitchen. I don't know when I became the type of person who is unsettled by mess.
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| #whyiworkatwork |
I've been thinking a lot about food this week and the egregious amount of money I spent on groceries Sunday. I am embarrassed to say how much I spent, but in a way I bought a month's worth of food, maybe more. The way I lived before the quarantine is the opposite of a Costco mentality. Instead of stocking up, I try to run out of food before I buy more, which means my pantry is often bare. I live so close to Pike Place Market, I walk there after work and pick up what I am going to eat. Other nights, I'll go out to dinner with friends. Other nights, I'll eat leftovers, either from what I made for dinner the night before or from a restaurant. The concept of having enough food for two weeks is out of my wheelhouse.
But I am trying.
After work, I made bean soup to compliment my chili. I am going to freeze most of this and eat it later, which got me wondering: am I better off cooking my own food or going out to eat? Restaurants are inspected for food safety. My kitchen is not. I'm pretty clean, but I am also the same person who eats ice cream straight out of the carton. What if this food has future corona virus in it? Or, am I crazy?
Back to my food budget. I went to MetMarket to buy groceries. Go ahead. Judge me. I had to splurge! Plus it is so posh and overpriced no one else shops there so I didn't have to deal with the cesspool that is the U Village QFC teaming with hundreds of college students and empty shelves. If I am going hunker down, I want to eat well. I can't just buy a block of cheddar and three bags of tortillas and eat quesadillas for two weeks! I could, but why? I did buy a block of cheddar and tortillas, but not only that. I bought goat cheese and prosciutto and chocolate in addition to flour and yeast to make bread if it gets that bad. I even bought the fancy Met Market Blood Orange soda. With all of this food, I should have a party, but that's not going to happen.
I've developed a massive case of hypochondria. I sneezed this morning and am convinced I have COVID-19 and will inadvertently murder a handful of elderly people in my condo building if I take the elevator.
I feel tired, but that might be because I spent all of last week with the Boy coming back from boarding school. My friend Cara asked me today how I was feeling.
"You must be exhausted from being on red alert the whole week," she said.
"Yes!" I said.
That is so true, and I'm still in a little bit of shock after his Home Pass. Monday, my manager at our weekly stand-up asked my about my trip and the Boy's visit.
"It was good. It was fine. Yeah, it was nice," I said.
"That's it!? You were gone for a week and that is all you are going to say?" he said.
The scope of the week was so big and intense I can't even fully grasp it. It is going to take me a few days to unpack it. I am not alone, thankfully, even though one of my favorite Al-Anon meetings has been canceled due to the virus. Fortunately, I am on an email chain with other moms in the Boy's group which really helps me sort all of this out as I see them go through the same stuff I am dealing with.
In many if not most ways, the visit was so good. The Boy has grown so much, as I have I. I am starting to think of this just like he left for college early, and his visits back are like Claire-Adele's visits home. It makes me a little more happy for him rather than sad for me.
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