This week at the Boy's boarding school, I learned something new.
Everyone has heard of nature versus nurture. What influences people, makes us who we are? Are we destined to become a certain way because that is how we were born, or do we become who we are because of how we were raised?
The therapists at Boy's school talked about a third influencer: choice.
It seems so obvious, yet I was surprised to hear it. The choices we make influence our health and well-being. While there are things out of our control like who are parents are, we can control plenty by the choices we make, like whether or not take drugs, or decide who are friends are.
It makes so much sense--every day is a choice. Our days are influenced by where we were born and how we are raised, but there is so much we can do within that if we want to. This is not to deny that some people are born with more opportunities and freedoms that other people. I think of Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning written after he was freed from a Nazi concentration camp. Every day he could choose his attitude even though he was living in horrific circumstances.
The other thing I learned was from one of the dads. These kids in therapeutic boarding schools are given lots of boundaries and rules, and the kids rebel against them. Why? Why rebel against the rules? Rules and boundaries are often ways to keep people safe, and within almost any set of rules (minus slavery or prison, for example), there is lots of freedom to choose. When boarding school kids go home for a break, they have rules like don't take drugs, don't use a phone or computer, don't see your old friends on this visit, etc. Sure, some of rules can be a drag, but there are millions of other things that can be done within those lines.
Can't go outside? Read a book. Can't be inside? Go for a run. Don't have a friend to talk to at the moment? Write in a journal and then find a friend. Don't know how to find a friend? Be a friend.
Does a kid want to grow up and be treated like an adult, then embrace the rules to show he or she is trustworthy. "The kids should say bring it on! I can handle it!"
This blog is about the little and big thoughts that pop into my head. I once read that when Flannery O'Connor walked into a bookstore, she would want to edit her published works with a red pen. In the digital world, we have the luxury of tweaking things up after we've hit the publish button. I can be a perfectionist/procrastinator, where waiting for the ideal means little gets done. Here I will share what is not--and likely will never be--perfect.
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