Shifting and Peeing (Not at the Same Time)

I learned how to drive on a manual transmission car. I remember my dad patiently waiting for me to get the car into gear while I was trying to make a left turn in the middle of a busy intersection during rush hour. I had to sit through two cycles of the light before I could make the turn. The cars behind me were honking furiously, which did not help. I remember my dad teaching me how to drive up hills, stop at the top, and then start again without rolling back. I remember the lag between shifting gears, the car would slow for a second or two while the clutch was pressed down. The car would speed up as the gears engaged.

This lag that occurs when shifting reminds me of the phase I am in now for my recovery. Three weeks after the surgery, I did my ninety leg lifts to get out of the brace. That didn't mean I was instantly out of the brace forever--it meant I could go without the brace as tolerated. I would walk around the house without the brace, unless I was cooking. My leg would get too tired to hop around the kitchen when I was making muffins and cooking sausage for breakfast. I would wear the brace out of the house, especially when going down stairs. At the ballet last weekend, I didn't wear it at all, but I had the crutch to ward off evil spirits and people moving faster than me (which is everyone.)

This week, my physical therapist told me I needed to wean myself off the brace.

"It is becoming more work for you to wear the brace than not to wear it," Evan said. That was my cue to drop it altogether. 

Before I had the surgery, I thought it would be a glorious day when I was no longer wearing the brace. Not so. I am in the lag between shifting gears where I am going slower than I was before. I could move faster with the brace and/or the crutch than I can without them. 

I needed to get out of the brace eventually. When I needed it, I didn't mind that it was bulky, uncomfortable, and would slide down my leg with the hinge away from my knee. I was happy to have the extra strength and stability so I could get out and about. The less I needed it, the more I hated wearing it.

Moving slowly has one major liability for a middle aged woman like me. My bladder seems to have a shorter time between when it tells me I might need to pee and when I actually need to pee. I rarely get little hints from it, warning me it is full and should be emptied. Or, something has happened to my body where these signals are drowned or canceled out by other systems in my body.  Whatever the case, I often finding myself needing to pee right now. Before, I could hop and pee right away. Now, I have to take my time standing, hobble to the bathroom, which is now much harder to do while I suck my gut in to give my bladder room to expand. I pray I don't pee my pants, or pee on the bed or couch. I am not a guy so I can't pee standing up, and navigating sitting down takes a few precious seconds where I hope my leg will bend enough for me to sit. Otherwise, I kind of pee standing up, which means I am peeing before I fully sit down.

Every problem becomes goal. Sitting quickly is a good goal.